People telling me that I should just forget about all this Jimm stuff while I’m here in Japan…and to just let it all go and come back to it when I’m home…well it’s not that simple…

I’m glad there is someone else in this world who shares my thoughts 100%…I could always relate to Heather…and she said it better than I could…

I’ll like mentally be thinking. “This is fun…” And everything around me and everyone around me will be in good spirits and such… And I realise I’m TELLING myself that it’s a good time. Everything will be great around me and it really will be a good time… But INSIDE me, I’ll be feeling like shit. And it’s like insult to injury cuz when I get back to my room alone and think more on the “great day”… it’s like I am incapable of enjoying truly good things and good times etc. Things I want to like and miss being capable of enjoying etc.

You know you should be happy there and enjoying every second… But you’re not. Because you can’t. Like you’re incapable. You go out and walk around, eat the good food, look at all the beautiful sights and people you KNOW you love… But you can’t FEEL the joy of it. You’re like on the outside looking in… You can see you’re in a place you love doing what you want, seeing what you want… But it’s like you’re not even there. Cuz you’re not enjoying it. You’re just there, THINKING how you want to be enjoying everything. THINKING how you *should* be enjoying everything… but that’s all it is… Just thinking. Not emotionally experiencing, even though you’re physically there… There’s a HUGE detachment and block.